It’s not going to happen to me I thought. I didn’t understand how all of my hair could just fall out. It’s a well known fact that chemotherapy causes hair loss but for some reason I thought I wouldn’t have this side effect. Wishful thinking I guess. My nurse warned me my hair would slowly start to fall out 2-3 weeks after my first round of chemo.
My sister got me my first hat. The pink one in the photo. I liked it better when my stuffed cat wore it. Week 3 came and I still had a full head of hair. My hair was pretty long so I thought it might be a good idea to cut it shorter so it would be easier when it does fall out. Well that never happened. I avoided washing it because I was afraid it was going to speed up the process somehow. After my showers my Mom would brush my hair out into a garbage can because it began shedding like crazy. My pillow case was covered in long black hairs. It didn’t come out in thick clumps like I thought. By the end of the 3rd week I was so fed up I asked my nurse to bring in the electric razor. I kept my hair up in a messy bun and somehow the hairs that were falling out got tangled in with my hairs that were still attached to my head. I ended up with a giant nest on the top of my head. I couldn’t get a comb through it anymore so I decided it was time for it to go. I was ready I thought. As soon as I saw my hair falling down to the floor in front of me, the tears started flowing. I bawled the entire time and didn’t stop for at least an hour. Thank god my Dad was there at the time to make me laugh. Losing my hair has been super hard on me emotionally.
I know it will grow back but it’s so hard now that I’m feeling better and I want to go out with my friends again. I have quite the hat collection now. I finally got over my fears and purchased a wig. It has helped me a lot and given me the confidence I need to go out in public and feel “normal”. The wig will take some getting used to. I just have to keep reminding myself it’s only temporary.
One Day At A Time 